I know nothing, Jon Snow.

What do I know?

A financial ecosystem much like a biological ecosystem needs to have as many different types of creatures as possible. The greater the variety, the better the check on each of its constituents. The inter-twining checks of each such constituent only lend to enhancing the efficiency of the system.

What must then matter is the overall output of such a system. Whether a Paul Singer is bad or a George Soros is good is immaterial. What is of significance is whether there are enough of Soros’ to counter the Singers and and enough Trumps to counter the Obamas in turn. The ideal purpose of the system then ought to be only to maximize this variety of its constituents, which in turn means that the platform for such a system must be rationality; a system of principled thinking that allows for the careful perusal of each notion on equal footing. No thought or idea can be more equal than another. Even the absurd must be accommodated so long as it is devoted to rationality’s daughter, logic.   

good bad ugly

My self-esteem is quite low at the moment and so I’m hoping this note will help me recuperate. Having said that, I mean to analyze myself in all honesty. The only liberty I will allow myself in the hope of recuperation is to start with my positive attributes. Of course, I am talking out of my hat. Still, I want to plod on. If I put myself out on paper, I’m hoping the habit will stick on and play out in real life too, with real people.

The (relatively)good stuff:

• 1.     I am self-aware
• 2.     I have the mental discipline to change myself
• 3.     I’m inner-score-card driven for the most part
• 4.     I can’t lie to myself or to others very easily
• 5.     I  have fewer material needs relative to others in my social setting

The bad (and the terrible)

• 1.     I seek vengeance too much, too often (if only in my imagination)
• 2.     I judge others for their opinions and failings and then write them off too soon
• 3.     I worry too much about being seen badly by others (so then not so inner-score-card driven after all!)
• 4.     I don’t take myself seriously enough when I ought to and take myself too seriously in inter-personal situations.
• 5.     I don’t have a grip over my emotions
• 6.     I have a holier than thou attitude with most people. It’s probably a self-preservation mechanism but sometimes I’m proud of it even when I don’t vocalize it.
• 7.     I’m lazy and can’t work hard for long periods.
• 8.     I haven’t yet figured out who I really am or what I stand for. I’m almost 35.

Journaling every day takes tremendous commitment. There are times I want to write and then times when I just want to hide under a rock and never be discovered. This pendulum of emotional states is exhausting. But writing it down makes it more real and harder to brush off. So in times of deep distress I make a conscious effort to not find paper and pen (or a blank word file in this case), only to discover that in times of peace its really hard to write because everything sounds like a complaint. Maybe I need to write about things other than how I’m feeling. Maybe there’s a tutorial out there waiting to be googled for on how to write a journal. Maybe I’m way off about everything I think I know.  But does anyone know anything? How do people manage their lives? How are they able to keep their self-esteem buoyant through the deluge of social interactions that age brings? I hope I find out sooner than later.

x

bleurgh

The Billionaire Raj by James Crabtree is one the worst books I have read in a long time. I am not even a news junkie and yet there was hardly anything in the book that I didn’t already know. His narrative is conveniently selective and leaves out stories of billionaires like Azim Premji, Anand Mahindra, Uday Kotak and even the Tatas obviously because none would fit into his presumptuous theory that India is what it is only because of unabated crony capitalism. Nobody can deny the prevalence of crony capitalism in the last decade and a half but to conclude a discussion on as complex a country as India without telling the world about the unprecedented crackdown on cronyism is simply dishonest.  The author has the gall to comment on the state of Indian democracy without so much as devoting a chapter to the spectacular role that the judiciary continues to play in cracking down on corruption.  He is happy enough to suggest what India must do to save itself from the inevitable doom he foresees by quoting people like Fareed Zacharia, a man who hasn’t spent more than a few months in all his life in India.

There are few feelings worse than guilt and regret over time badly spent. I ought to have abandoned the book after the very first chapter.

The turn of the tortoise by T.N. Ninan on the other hand  is a spectacular read. Its full of numbers that validate anything that even vaguely sounds like his pet theory and all sorts of facts one would not even consider relevant in the typical discussion on the India growth story. He has a deep and thorough understanding of the bureaucracy, judiciary and the political and economic landscape of India. His tone is unalarmed, language completely free of drama and yet the book is an easy and engaging read. I only wish he’d write his views on demon and Modi’s performance in general post 2015.